You probably shouldn't have been contender

So I was over in a friend's house last night and I happened to see some television. We don't have telly in my house and choose to be brainwashed by the internet instead.
Anyhow RTE were up to their old tricks or churning out fourth rate programming inhabited by fifth rate celebrities. I'm not sure if you'd call it reality television, there is nothing about it that in any way resembles reality.

Anyhow bizarrely enough, in a country where everybody knows everybody else and is related to half of them, they had two celebrities on this programme whom I had never heard of. Surely if they had picked any two people out of the country at random I would know at least one of them. But no the comedian and nightclub DJ (for fuck's sake, come on, a nightclub DJ is a fucking celebrity now?) had to... not learn to cook or run a hotel or work on a farm or build a house... they had to box the heads off each other. That's right these two nobodies had to get in a ring and hammer the shite out of each other. Apparently they had several weeks of training but what I saw would make the average Saturday night outside Supermacs on Eyre Square look like a scene from Raging Bull.

Their Mammies and Girlfriends were there as was an elderly Jimmy Magee (who now looks like he'll be getting a letter from the President any day) and Pat Spillane, yes the one only Pat Spillane who seems to have a mug with his name on it in RTE and who I know fuck all about apart from the fact he is from Kerry and has something to do with sport.
Anyhow Pat gave his opinion on the fight to a woman who looked like a newly resurrected Michael Jackson and Jimmy Magee tried to muster all the life he had left in him to make the atrocious display seem like an entertaining if not thrilling sporting event (in other circumstances we'd say 'If it was a fight it's be stopped').

And anyhow it turns out that these two celebrities were in the ring throwing sloppy punches not only for the glory of their respective highly esteemed fields of popular entertainment but also for the charities of their choice. One was swinging frantically for Temple Street Children's Hospital and the other for The Mercy Hospital. And I thought, 'Fuck. That's how bad the country has gotten. Now they've the hospitals fighting for money.'